So last week I had a bit of a wobble. I suddenly (ish) realised I was 33 and I had been in the same office job since I was 21 and hadn't really achieved anything. I used to think my job was a stop gap until I decided what I wanted to do, only I never decided. I had ideas but never expanded on them. Then I met Mr Melvis and my ambitions changed. I assumed my children would be my biggest achievement, my imprint on the world but I don't have any children. For the past 5 years, since my last miscarriage (exactly 5 years ago today), I've been at a bit of a stand still. Living in a bubble, waiting for something to happen but not realising that I had to be the one to make it happen.
So last week I had a bit of a wobble. There were tears, big gulping sobs of tears that led Mr M to think something awful had happened but it was just the opposite. Nothing had happened, nothing had happened for a very long time. It appears that those big sobs were the release I'd been waiting for and I felt my imagination returning, my creativity growing. I remembered the dreams I had, recognised the new dreams I didn't realise I had.
I didn't decide to do something about these dreams, it just happened. I found myself buying a sketch book and pencils on the way home. I spent time scribbling ideas down, things I'd like to make, to stitch, to paint, in the hope of having a job that fulfils me and makes me want to go to work.
I remember the first time I heard someone say Everyone has a novel inside them. I was just a teenager and I thought That's so true. Of course, I didn't attempt to seek my novel out, but I knew it was there. Last year, my novel became clear - title, characters, story but again, I did nothing as I didn't know how to start the story.
On Friday night, Mr Melvis went off to work and I sat on the sofa and I suddenly knew how to start the story so I rushed to the laptop and started writing. I kept writing and soon I'd done 2000+ words. After work on Saturday, I wrote more and more ... and soon had another 4734 ish words. Sunday morning, I wrote again, the words kept flowing and now I stand at 9096 words. In one weekend, despite working, cleaning and (kind of) watching 24 episodes of Friends.
@MelTimeBlog 4734 in one night? Very impressive Mel :)
— Jennifer Collin (@CollinJennifer) July 26, 2014
It's amazing what you can achieve when you put your mind to it! (Big thanks to lovely Jennifer for her praise and encouragement!)
Apparently, a novel has between 80,000 and 100,000 words, so I'm about 10% of the way through (there goes the Carol Vorderman in me!). If you find me a bit quiet for a while, you now know why!